I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
