i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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