Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
