another moral hangover. fuck.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
