Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
