You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
