fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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