im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
