Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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