apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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