Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My pussy is not your playground.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
