My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
