I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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