1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
