no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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