she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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