Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
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I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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