just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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