You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
