i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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