she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
