Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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