I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
