I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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