Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
