i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
