You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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