DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
