If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
