hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
