everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
