People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
