I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
