Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize