??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
