Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
