ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
