I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
