My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
