Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
