you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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