i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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