Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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