Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
