Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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