i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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