So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
