Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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