It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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