There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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