remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
