I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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