your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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