Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
