i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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