This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
