I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
