dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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