Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
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I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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