i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
