I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
