Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
