WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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