It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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